“On Mothership Connection, Starchild first appeared (inspired equally by Sun Ra’s “Black Noah” and Jesus); he is a divine alien being, who came to earth from a spaceship (his arrival is “the Mothership Connection”) to bring the holy Funk (with a capital “F”: the cause of creation and source of energy and all life), to humanity. As it turns out (according to The Clones of Dr. Funkenstein, 1976), Starchild secretly worked for Dr. Funkenstein, the intergalactic master of outer space Funk, who is capable of fixing all of man’s ills, because the “bigger the headache, the bigger the pill” and he’s the “big pill” (“Dr. Funkenstein,” from The Clones of Dr. Funkenstein). Dr. Funkenstein’s predecessors had encoded the secrets of Funk in the Pyramids because humanity wasn’t ready for its existence until the modern era. The titular “clones” are the Children of Productions whose job is to ensure that everyone is on the One.
Starchild’s nemesis is Sir Nose D’Voidoffunk (“Sir Nose Devoid of Funk” from Funkentelechy Vs. the Placebo Syndrome, 1977). Inspired by the single “The Pinocchio Theory” by Bootsy’s Rubber Band, Sir Nose attempts to end the Funk because he is too cool to dance. He is the master of the Placebo Syndrome, which causes unFunkiness (a combination of stupidity and no dancing). His goal is to place the minds of all humanity into a state called the Zone of Zero Funkativity. Starchild, on the other hand, uses his Bop Gun (“Bop Gun (Endangered Species),” from Funkentelechy Vs the Placebo Syndrome) to achieve Funkentelechy for all humanity. With the Funky powers of the Bop Gun (which are augmented by the Flash Light….Shine the light on them suckas!!!), Starchild causes Sir Nose to reach Funkentelechy, and find his Funky soul. He then dances away the night.”—P-Funk Mythology (via ilovewikipedia)
What a helluva night! On Sunday my friend Mackenzie asked me if I wanted to go to the opening night of Pee Wee Herman’s live show. Hell yes!
First of all the show was just great. I had an ear to ear smile the entire time. As soon as the curtain went up and I saw that set…that beautiful, magical set! Wow. It was beautiful. Obviously Paul Reubens is a lot older, and it kind of shows, but he’s still go the enthusiasm and spark of Pee Wee.
It was also just amazing because I got to see a lot of old friends who I haven’t seen in a very long time. And then there was Hasselhoff. David fucking Hasselhoff…in all his glory and all his leather! He was there with a friend of mine (and believe me, tomorrow I’m going to be talking to this friend to find out WHY SHE WAS THERE WITH DAVID HASSELHOFF) which was cool because I got to meet him. I talked to him for about 3 or 4 minutes and can’t even remember one thing he said because the entire time I was thinking, “Holy shit, I’m talking to Hasselhoff. Knight Rider! Germans love David Hasselhoff!”
After the show Mackenzie and I went to a bar to meet up with James Gunn who just got back in town from Shreveport Louisiana, where’s he’s been shooting a movie. I got to see a lot of cool kids there too (Tumblr’s own Nickholmes and johncabrera).
Damn I had fun tonight!
. You met The Hoff??? Ok, scratch my get well soon post you lucky Ginger;). I could tell u why we are so in love with him but you would go blind so i better shut my mouth
we had a cute german exchange reporter (yes they exist at an adult level) in our newsroom two or three years ago. he had no clue as to why his people loved the hoff, but would then ask why we had albums by michael bolton and john tesh. (nice comeback for any germans out there posed with this question.) he said it was terrible pop music and only lame adults and pre-teens were the target audience. after a lengthy discussion on bad music, he owned up to having a hoff album in school, and i owned up to owning a scorpions single on tape.
i would say 1989 was a terrible time for pop music, but disintegration came out that year and remains one of my all-time super favorite albums ever.
also, i kind of love the hoff’s ability to accessorize a jacket made of christmas lights with a keyboard scarf and make it work. wunderbar.
“Let me see if I have this straight: you need to replace perhaps the most beloved liberal in the history of the Senate with a candidate that believes Curt Schilling is a Yankee fan because if this lady loses, the healthcare reform bill - that the beloved late Senator (Kennedy) considered his legacy - will die. And the reason it will die… is because if Coakley loses, Democrats will only then have an 18-vote majority in the Senate, which is more than George W.Bush ever had in the Senate when he did whatever the fuck he wanted to do.
The Democrats have a greater majority than Republicans have had since 1923 - but for Democrats, apparently the majority of 100… is sixty.”—JON STEWART, remarking on the special election in Massachusetts to fill the late Ted Kennedy’s seat - with polls showing that the GOP candidate could win over Martha Coakley by as many as double digits - on The Daily Show. (via inothernews) (via owlpacino) (via jennhoney)
Satan (in the form of Minneapolis resident Lilly Coyle) writes an open letter to Pat Robertson, excoriating the televangelist for his claim that the Haiti quake was the direct consequence of the put-upon nation’s long-standing pact with him.
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action.
But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.
Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”?
If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.
You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
“To comedy writers, Leno’s massive success represents the triumph of mediocrity. It’s the tragedy of a prodigiously talented stand-up making a conscious decision to dumb down his material to reach the widest possible audience. He won over the masses while alienating comedy geeks. He came to symbolize everything crass and mercenary about comedy. As the years went on, Leno became synonymous with Monica Lewinsky and O.J. jokes. His name became shorthand for lazy, dumb and obvious comedy. To comedy snobs, ‘The Tonight Show’ under his nightmare realm was one long Dancing Itos sketch.”—Nathan Rabin, “Why Some Comics Aren’t Laughing at Jay Leno” (Essay) - Speakeasy - WSJ (via jasmined)
When you get to the history of sci-fi… I used to walk by the Ackermansion almost every day with my dog. I’d buy it, but I’m about $3.2 million short. The guy who lives across the street from this house used to write episodes of the Outer Limits and is a very sweet old man who loved to tell me crazy stories about old Hollywood. He also told me porn producers love to film in this home. But someday, when I write MY great american sitcom, I’ll buy this place and relish in its history. Plus, I’d be literally down the hill from the Ennis House, which is also pretty cool.
~LoAdEd QuEsTiOnS board game tumblr ed~
If you could be a member of any TV family which would it be?
Oh this is *so* easy. I was thinking of the parameters I’d want — attractive family, obscene thinness in the wake of eating what I like, old money, intellectual curiosity balanced with ins at some of the best universities in the country, kindness with a dose of sarcasm and quirk, unlimited amounts of designer jeans and Anthropologie ensembles, general acceptance of someone like myself and proximity to things I like…
THE MOTHERFUCKING GILMORE FAMILY.
Also, as I make my parents watch the later seasons with me (or have done so in the past), they have also expressed a desire to be adopted into the Gilmore fold. So, I can bring my family with. (Technically, my brother David — *the kiss-ass* — said he was happy where he was… but he ALREADY went to Columbia and has his own connections from not wasting time in the Midwest like the rest of us so he can suck it. And before you think he’s smarter than me, I’d like to point out that I beat him at Scrabble and other similar ventures all the time. And he claims I cheat because he’s my little brother.)
We’d be a quirky offshoot of the Gilmore clan, with our own set of money. My mom would get to have continued with her art and probably would run a gallery in some cute little town or killer big city (not Chicago because my family doesn’t have roots there anymore!!!) My dad would be a wacky inventor or conspiracy theorist / comic (as he’s kind of like Larry David and Lewis Black as is). I’d still get to be the annoying and smart, sarcastic preppy / hippie / yuppie. I’d probably still be a journalist, but my family would have connections that would get me running some major sites and/or my own goofy column in the Village Voice (as it would be the acceptable “alternative” — not unlike how I would have gone to Brown.) (In fairness and in my real life, Grinnell isn’t so bad — and I did that without money or family connections.) Anyway, my parents or maybe Uncle Richard and Aunt Emily would have bought me a sweet brownstone in Park Slope. And between my writing and my keen observations, I’d be considered quite the wunderkid as I would have become mildly famous by 25 for my wit and ability to drink bourbon and hold my own within George Plimpton’s circle.
Lorelei and Rory would *adore* us as we’re the quirky group and already drink too much coffee. Also, I’m pretty sure my parents would have snuck her cigarettes and wine when she was a hellion teen — at least until she got preggers. I’d keep Rory away from dullards like Dean and help put Jess into perspective the way an older, hipper cousin can. And I’m sure I’d have dirt on those Huntsburgers that would make Emily blush. Plus, as I am about 10 years younger than Lorelei and 10 older than Rory and had played the game while making it my own… I would totally get to be the fun cousin. (I am already, but the fun cousin in a rich family that can get me a better job and college degree.)
*UPDATE* I asked my mom this question and she said she didn’t want to be a Gilmore because they had “too much drama.” Whatever. That’s why we’re not part of Emily and Richard’s crowd.
In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.
Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.
But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.
Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.
So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.
There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.
Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.